You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
