I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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