saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
