he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
