So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
