i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
