Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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