we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
