When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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