Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
