Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
