Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
birth control should be required to get into college
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
