Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
