Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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