Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
