Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
