And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
