Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
