Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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