She's like a pop up book from hell.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
