I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
