Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
