My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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