So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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