The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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