dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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