I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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