I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
