We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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