how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
