Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and she was petting her beer can
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
