So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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