Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
