i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
