I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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