I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
