There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Quick, to the slutcave!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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