I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
