found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
