Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
