Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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