Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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