i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
