You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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