his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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