i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
