Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
