She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
