Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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