dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
