I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
