I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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