i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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