Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
