Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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