My nipple is on Facebook.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
