you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's never too late to be topless.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
