I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
