Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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