What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dignity is for republicans.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
