i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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