I heard we made out
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
