she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
