it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
