Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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