actually, I'm a sock model
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
