He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My ass is underappreciated
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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