You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
do nipples grow back?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
