I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
