Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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